How am I - October

Hello everyone! It’s been a while since I’ve posted a “how am I” update.

I’ll start by saying that the fall has arrived, in case you haven’t noticed. The leaves are yellow, and the mood is a bit grey. Though, fall is now much brighter than it used to be because Sam (our son) has his birthday in November. Aside from that, a pile of tasks and worries has come crashing down on me again. It’s worth noting that I can only deal with all of this during the baby’s nap time, so I have about two hours a day for everything, and I still need to fit in cooking and some cleaning during that time.

Even though D. helps a lot, he’s still working, so I’m quite exhausted.

The Landlord

Our landlord never ceases to surprise us! Like most apartments in Vancouver, the heating in the living room is provided by a gas fireplace. For safety reasons, the fireplace needs to be serviced once a year—it’s gas, after all. Our management company (the strata) collaborates once a year with a company that services these fireplaces. It costs $110 after tax if you use their services when they’re servicing our building, and $170 if it’s done at a different time.

We saw a notice in the elevator and decided to email our landlord to request servicing the fireplace, as it hasn’t been serviced once during our time living here. We also learned from the building manager that last year someone had a gas leak, which was discovered during routine servicing, and a dog even got sick because of it.

Usually if something needs fixing, she sends her father to do the repairs. D. even suggested hiring a company ourselves and servicing the fireplace at our expense, but I refused and wrote her a friendly email: explaining the safety concerns and the fact that the fireplace makes a horrible noise when heating (which is true).

And that’s when it started! She said her father would come and take a look at the fireplace. What followed was a long email exchange, where I explained that only a licensed technician can inspect a gas fireplace (I even found an article about it), that we could be breathing in gas, and that she could be held responsible for it. I suggested we simply hire a company. But she either ignored me or continued saying her father would come to check it himself.

Well, even if he comes, I won’t let him near the fireplace. I even called the BC Tenancy Board to find out who’s right in this situation. They told me we can hire a company ourselves and then file a complaint, after which she’ll be required to refund the $110.

Honestly, my mind is blown by the fact that she’s making such a fuss over $110. Our rent is $3622 a month, and she doesn’t even have a mortgage as far as I know! Plus, we suspect she hasn’t serviced the fireplace in the 15 years she’s owned the apartment, because it seems like she doesn’t even understand what we’re talking about.

Daycares

Sam will soon be a year old, and he’s an incredibly social child who always wants to be around other kids. I try to take him to different children’s programs in the area, but, of course, I’d love to get him into daycare. Plus, I’m ready to get back into work mode and think about something other than sleep, food, and taking care of a little human.

But the daycare situation in Vancouver is super sad. You apparently can’t get on waitlists while pregnant (which is a good thing I think), so I signed up when he was a couple of months old (right after birth, I physically couldn’t deal with it). We’re on about 15 waiting lists, and things aren’t looking great. People say waitlists don’t matter as much, and you just have to keep calling and hope you get lucky. I started doing that a few weeks ago, but no luck so far, and it seems like daycare isn’t in our near future.

Some people hire a nanny shared between two families, but if daycare costs $1700-2000, a nanny costs around $4000, which is extremely expensive. Meanwhile, in North Vancouver, Burnaby, Coquitlam, and Richmond (cities outside Vancouver), the daycare situation is better, but it’s too far for us. All of this is really frustrating and demotivating. Not to mention how much energy it takes to deal with it all.

Frozen Money

Our money has been frozen since 2022, CBC wrote about it here. It’s now October 2024, and nothing has changed. I send emails weekly. Over this time, I’ve contacted numerous officials: sent requests to Global Affairs to unblock the funds, wrote to Mélanie Joly as both an MP and as a minister (different emails), our MP (she’s told by Global Affairs that they’re “working on it”), the Premier of British Columbia (they responded saying that there are upcoming elections and they don’t have time), the BC Minister of Finance (no response), MPs in Toronto when we still lived there, and of course to CBC when they were doing a series of TV, radio, and online stories.

On top of that, I wrote to the host of This Hour Has 22 Minutes because he has a lot of connections (no reply). I wrote to Ilya Kolmanovsky (a Russian science journalist and podcaster) because I thought he might have some connections. He was very kind and gave me contacts, but it didn’t help. I’m in touch with other people in the same situation, and nothing is working. We still can’t get our money unfrozen, and no one seems to care. Of course, I send follow-up requests to Global Affairs once a month, but they’re ignored as well. I don’t know where else to turn.

On other things

I’m really annoyed that Amazon is forcing everyone to return to the office five days a week! It’s setting a bad example for the industry. I’m dreaming of finding a remote job because I can’t imagine how both of us could work in an office and still manage things with a baby.

Motherhood is not easy. On the one hand, I’m incredibly happy every morning to see this little person, we’ve got his sleep under control, and my dream of uninterrupted sleep has come true (probably temporary). On the other hand, I’m exhausted mentally and physically. I think the hardest part of all of this is the lack of breaks. At work, when you’re tired, you know the weekend is coming, and you’ll be able to sleep in, switch off, and recharge. In parenting, Saturday isn’t much different from Friday, except I’ve started a small tradition of going to a coffee place on Saturday mornings to enjoy some coffee alone.

On the plus side, we’ve become really close with our neighbors who have kids, and we try to take turns babysitting in the evenings if someone wants to go on a date. D. and I really need to get out soon. The problem is that by the evening, I’m so tired that all I want to do is sleep. I have to admit, before motherhood, I didn’t know what real exhaustion was.

Also, the Perinatal Mental Health program from BC Women’s is ending soon, which makes me sad because I really enjoy talking to the psychiatrist from the program. Recently, I found out that they also have sleep specialists, and they were incredibly helpful too. Speaking of motherhood and the fact that Sam will be a year old soon—guess if I’ve made it to the OBGYN? Nope, still haven’t. I haven’t made it anywhere because the wait times are insane here. It’s honestly ridiculous, to say the least. In July, I went on a two-day trip alone to Calgary to visit a friend, and it really helped me unwind. Looks like I’ll need to do that again :)

I’m, of course, really happy that D. and I have an equal partnership when it comes to parenting, but I have to admit that a lot more responsibility still falls on women.